Friday, July 07, 2006

i need yourr help

i messed it up for her and for me
im so so very sorry
dont forgive me

i think i love her

wow...........oh yeah screw spelling get over it
you know there is a lot I gotta get off my chest and this is like the only way I can get it off with out getting people mad or upset I'm going to publicly spill my heart out and her we go.:.
girl you have me my heart I don't know what it is but when I'm around you every thing that I know that I should do and every thing I know I shouldn't goes away I fall into my instincts she so beautiful I think I love her guys I me she makes me feel so good when im around her but..........yeah i know there is always a catch i've let her get away from me twice the frist time i just want to clear every thing up for people she gaveme her heart and i just was to reckless i broke it i didnt mean to the relationship we had that time was so good but i was scared and i didnt know if i was ready for such a long term thing and there was so many other people getting in the way trying to give me there opinons and i fell in to the pressure and did what they tought was best for us and i didnt think for my self and there is not a single day i dont beat my self up about it and how dum i was so i broke her all because i was scared and weak and it hurt her so bad i'm so sorry and then the second time wow that's just crazyness we had both matured a bit more and it was new years oh boy she was wasted my friends were wasted i had a lot but it wasn't enough to blame my poor judgement on the second relationship my friends were coupled up besides 3 of up and one was having problems of his own with a girl so me and her out of impulse i made my move and we i guess hit it off and rushed into a relationship but i was influenced by the people that said it was always a bad idea to date her even though i love her but i still listened to them i dont know why i gues cause he was older but now i know that was a big mistake i broke her a second time and then after that hurt her more by going out with another chick that wasnt even 1 tenth of what she was so i kinda fucked it all up and we didn't even talk for a long while and i hated it but i tired to keep my cool in front of my friend to make sure they thought i was ok but really i wasn't..... and now me and her have been talking more and all i can think is how much i love her even though she has a boyfriend witch i don't really know about and then we started hanging out and I'm getting bullshit form people that i thought would be cool and they clam they know how i feel and how i act but they really don't so now i'm smarter i don't listen to him this time i keep hanging out with her and we get keep getting closer and closer and all i can think is thoughts of me loving her so much now and hurting her in the past and not hurting her now and trying to impress her and make her happy i just want to know if she still feels the same about me and if she does what we will do and the there was to night i hung out with my friends that don't feed useless advice in to me and we are so close its crazy i just want to tell her i love her but i cant i don't want to mess it up again i want to touch her again hold her and kiss her but i couldn't and as the night when on and people left i let my self go and it was so perfect i tired to make every thing like the way it was but i couldn't i fail and i keep hateing myself for messing it up so many times and now i know it will never be the same like back then and its hurts me so so much i miss her and i love her still so much but i cant even tell her that to her face any more i messed it up so bad i have to type it out and hope she reads this post and can love me again and forget about what every thing i've done and every thing every one will think
i love her so much